I want to be… [ June 15th, 2007 ] Posted in » Feelings / Emotions
Ever since we’re kids, we have a blurred and hazy picture of what we want to be, or do, when we grow up. And I’m not talking just about college, careers, etc. I’m talking about ‘we’ as people. I always thought that with my upbringing I’d be this prim and proper girl who always has to please her parents and can do no wrong. The good kid who gets good marks and stays away from the wild crowd. A doctor maybe…to ‘help people who are suffering’. Good grades, good college, good friends..selfless and sacrificing life, with my ‘perfect love’ besides me who is moulded for me and we all will just live happily ever after..
Well that turned out to be utter bullshit. Yes, perceptions do change as you grow up…your morals change, values change, outlook changes..but to such an extent? Things which you were so staunchly against, things which were against your principles, things which you resolved never to do in your lifetime, become so mundane and ordinary. I thought people who take drugs are ‘bad people’ and now some of my best friends smoke up all the time. I thought coming first in class was the be all and end all of my existence…and now…well, I would not like to comment on my scores.. Lol. I’m not questioning myself. Neither am I wondering what went wrong with me…I don’t think anything did. I guess this is just part of growing up. I was just looking into some old slam books today, and I saw what I used to be like..even 1 year ago! College sure does change people.
I wanted to be and do so many things as a kid. I wanted the world at my feet. I was to be pious, religious and a good kid. I just kept wanting, dreaming, hoping….but things have turned out so differently. At the end of the day, all I can say is, I’m so happy I am what I am right now, it’s hard to imagine. Atleast I am me and not what everyone wanted me to be, or a stupid idealistic picture I painted of myself in my head.. I love the paths I have chosen, the paths I have been forced to choose (due to lack of choice
), and the way ahead. It’s ok if you’re not what you always wanted to be, as a person, or as in a profession, or anything. At the end of the day…whatever makes you happy.
Oh, and by the way, Rahul change my blog please. It’s not the old one, it’s now www.ataxia.wordpress.com
Thanks. ![]()