I want to be… [ June 15th, 2007 ] Posted in » Feelings / Emotions

Ever since we’re kids, we have a blurred and hazy picture of what we want to be, or do, when we grow up. And I’m not talking just about college, careers, etc. I’m talking about ‘we’ as people. I always thought that with my upbringing I’d be this prim and proper girl who always has to please her parents and can do no wrong. The good kid who gets good marks and stays away from the wild crowd. A doctor maybe…to ‘help people who are suffering’. Good grades, good college, good friends..selfless and sacrificing life, with my ‘perfect love’ besides me who is moulded for me and we all will just live happily ever after..

Well that turned out to be utter bullshit. Yes, perceptions do change as you grow up…your morals change, values change, outlook changes..but to such an extent? Things which you were so staunchly against, things which were against your principles, things which you resolved never to do in your lifetime, become so mundane and ordinary. I thought people who take drugs are ‘bad people’ and now some of my best friends smoke up all the time. I thought coming first in class was the be all and end all of my existence…and now…well, I would not like to comment on my scores.. Lol. I’m not questioning myself. Neither am I wondering what went wrong with me…I don’t think anything did. I guess this is just part of growing up. I was just looking into some old slam books today, and I saw what I used to be like..even 1 year ago! College sure does change people.

I wanted to be and do so many things as a kid. I wanted the world at my feet. I was to be pious, religious and a good kid. I just kept wanting, dreaming, hoping….but things have turned out so differently. At the end of the day, all I can say is, I’m so happy I am what I am right now, it’s hard to imagine. Atleast I am me and not what everyone wanted me to be, or a stupid idealistic picture I painted of myself in my head.. I love the paths I have chosen, the paths I have been forced to choose (due to lack of choice :D ), and the way ahead. It’s ok if you’re not what you always wanted to be, as a person, or as in a profession, or anything. At the end of the day…whatever makes you happy.

Oh, and by the way, Rahul change my blog please. It’s not the old one, it’s now www.ataxia.wordpress.com

Thanks. :)

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March 31st, 2006 | 12 Comments

Temme wat u think

At the devil’s party
nothing’s a sin
but try as you might
you can nevr win
you can forget for a moment
and drown in your high
enjoy the last few moments
relive your life
but ultimately your soul
will be sucked out of you
left a worthless existence
incomplete and untrue
you are there for a purpose
to end it all
to heal your wounds
you don’t rise, yet you fall
an endless dark pit
and your endless free fall
the wind whistling in your ears
hear it’s eerie call
telling you of your journey
ending up in a morgue
your peace, your destination
you are binded by the fog
but still you feel satisfaction
why you ask?
because this was the easiest
of all your tasks
instead of pulsating hearts
being butchered with knives
isn’t this better
than what we call life???

http://niharika.wordpress.com/

March 30th, 2006 | 4 Comments

Is the US a bully?

Is the US a bully?

Oh yes! Well, you might feel differently but US is just a big bully. Afghanistan, Iraq and now what… Iran?

Waging a war on Iran is not a remote possibility at all. All US wants is power power power…
Damn you Bush. Just for once, stop acting selfishly.

Most of you might say Bush did the right thing by attacking Iraq & throwing Saddam in the slammer but I think it was a stupid decision. He not only angered the muslims more but also detryoed a country, wrecked homes, killed innocent people, maimed many… All US wanted was oil.

Go watch Fahrenheit 9/11 & you’ll know exactly what I’m trying to say.

At least the Black Eyed Peas agree with me…

…Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin’
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK…

March 29th, 2006 | 9 Comments

the indian army

hey…dis is just to ask u guys..wat r ur views on the indian army? or basically the defence services in general. i myself am a fauji bachha (my dad’s in d army) so i have tremendous regard n respect for dis proffesion but wat do u guys think? dere r tonnes of corrupt officers too vaise but i guess dere’s good n bad in everything! well…lemme know!

March 29th, 2006 | 10 Comments

crazy !

omg, i find dis funny, strange, crazy n disgusting—all at d same time! Indian Media, specially electronic, is startin 2 suck!

yesterday, Rehaan Roshan was born—-d much awaited child of Hritik Roshan. Gr8—congu. but i fail to understand that is it such big a deal dat 4-5 hours–precious hours be spent on covering d gates of the hospital in which he was born. dat stupid correspondant asked Zarine Khan—d grand mum of d new-born—”ma’am how do u feel?” n i was literally like WTF!!!
even mum said, sadiyon se children r being born n these creeps r askin that how do u feel?
CrAp, serious crap.

dey dun cover case proceedings of Jessica Lall, Meher Bhargava or our very own Shibani ma’am! dey cover baseless, nonsensical things. damn they’ll be even coverin the delivery of the celebrities in a few days!

the prob z no1 wants 2 work hard, hu’ll go2 places 2 find as 2 waz happenin of d pending cases, rather dey’ll cover easy ducks!

n ppl dos hu say dat i m pointing problems—-NO, i m not. i m not here 2 leave all things at 1 side and start pointin problems in our social system, its dat i share d things vich irritate me n get feedback bcoz if sumthin has 2 b done, it has 2 b on a mass-scale bcoz sum1 said dat WE have 2 change it n no1 else.

n 4 all d tmp originators, derez a piece of interestin news. many ppl have visited our blog n dey say dat v r imitating d characters in RDB n v want 2 prove ourselves as activists. all u ppl— v arnt emulating ne1 & arnt tryin 2 b an activist or stuff. v all truly write wat v feel n my fellow authors will agree vid me in dat.

March 29th, 2006 | 15 Comments

im confused…

well, dis is the first time i’m blogging. don’t get most of the stuff cz
a.i’m so tech unsavvy.
b.i was a bit apprehensive about writing my feelings for the world to read.
c.i’m just so confused. :D
but thanks to rahul n his blog i’ve come to quite like this. it’s different. n maybe it’s not private but who cares. these r ur feelings and dz it really matter if any1 reads dem…? i guess defining urself is not easy cz v all , atleast i have a warped picture of wat i am and who i am. maybe one day after reading all my posts i can get a clearer picture. and if any1 is reading this…let me warn u that i am very complicated and dont make any sense most of the times.. but well…here goes nothing! there are so many links and so much stuff out here n i dunno wat to click on to save this. um…i’ll take my chances.

March 29th, 2006 | 7 Comments

i dunno

jessica lal

meher bhargava

anju ilyasi

how many more 2 go? me, u or sum1 else dis time.i know dis topic has bcum ghisa-pita and has lost its spice but den its d hard fact of life 2day. derz no spice 4 sure but den d taste is utterly bitter.there’ve been numerous write-ups and discussions but vid much no benefit. n dis is no such write-up.

Jessica lal
Jessica lal was shot bcoz of God-knows wat reason. d situation:—sum ppl in a party, in a bar vid dos social butterflies hovering here n dere, jessica z a bartender, refuses a drink 2 Manu Sharma–d prime cinvict, 4 again God-knows wat reason n in no time a bullet pierces her body. waah, jungle raj hai kya? n moreover d case cums up after so many months. its closed once bcoz of inadequate evidence, but z opened again bcoz ppl r socially awakening, may it b bcoz of RDB or d lil concsience dey still have!
but, no proceedings still. i dunno dat Jessicaz father z dead or still alive( he was v.ill)bcoz i dun read nethin ’bout it, i just dun feel like. 1 more crazy thing. i have dis frnd huz in 8th std. i just happened 2 meet her father 1 day, n Jessicaz topic came up. n i m sad 2 tell dat person was so inhuman(yes, i’ll call him dat) dat he said,” main to paper mein jessica ke baare isliye padhta hu taaki bachchon ka G.K. ka 1 topic taiyaar karva sakoon.”
i m speechless.

MEHER BHARGAVA
d situation: Meher n her daughter in law walkin n some gunda-ppl make some pass on her and she stops. says sumthin n d next moment,a bullet is restin in her body. she struggled 4 25 days in d hospital n died on mar 25, 06. she was a sr. advocate in d high-court.no arrests, no nothing, only grievances n her praise n lotta ppl sayin on TV— she fought n v r really proud of her.
wat d hell.

i m not pointin out mistakes in our judiciary, but den nothin z happenin. c’mon ppl, give it a break—yeh criminals osama-b-laden hai kya ki pakad mein nahi aa rahe??

have u ever noticed a Govt. sweeper? i guess not. wat he does is dat he sweeps d end of payments n sides of d roads—v. religiously. he makes a heap, leaves it dere n goes. d next day he comes n again sweeps dos leaves/wteva. lil does he realise dat 75% of d leaves r frm d same heap vich he dint throw d previous day.
yehi haal humari society ka hain. think n correlate.

i read dis sumwhere n was pained

hum isliye nahi zinda kyunki hum bahadur hain
ya surakshit samaj mein rehte hai
hum isliye zinda hai kyunki
humein koi maarna nahi chahta.

we are alive bcoz no1 wants 2 kill us.

March 28th, 2006 | 12 Comments

History on display

Its Rang De Basanti all around us.

The museum established by the Punjab and Haryana High Court, as part of its golden jubilee celebrations, throws light on the lesser-known facts of the trial of Shaheed Bhagat Singh and others in the Lahore Conspiracy Case.

More–>

I’ve also scanned the photos from the newspaper itself cause the images on The Tribune website were smaller in size. Just click on the photos and view te as you like… zoom in… zoom out!

Shaheedbhagatsingh
A handcuffed Bhagat Singh being interrogated at Lahore in 1927. This was his first arrest. The photograph was taken secretly by the police, and was discovered in secret records of police after 1947.

Shaheed bhagatsingh2

March 25th, 2006 | 4 Comments

Act your age…

When I wrote about the D.P.S Faridabad scandal on my blog, the same night I had a discussion with Jaskiran regarding the same.

We were discussing why such things were hapening in our society. Jaskiran rightly pointed out that kids today just wanna grow up fast! Well, exceptions are always there, but the general trend remains the same.

Now you might say this is a problem or need of adolescence. But I’m actually not talking about the teenagers. I’m talking about the pre-teens - 12, 11, 10… years of age. Yes, I’m talking about these “lil’ kids” who try and act like adults. I dunno why but it seriously pisses me off!

Just the other day I overheard some boys saying that they knew the biggest “gundas” in town. I mean… these little kids are in class 6th, 7th, 8th…. and they actually act like they’re in college. Then, even before puberty starts, they start getting attracted towards the opposite sex. Yes, I know some little girls, aged 8-9 who have actually tried to hit on my friend. Sounds strange but its true! Such kids do some freaky things. They become mature before their age.

Why not enjoy your life. Intead of aping your elders or trying to act all grown up, why not go and play with your Barbies and GI Joes. Come on, I loved playing with toys!! I still do :P ! You have your whole life to do the adult stuff. Being a kid is fun. Don’t just pretend to be innocent!! Get dirty, play in the mud, dance in the rain, cry…….. sex & fights can wait!

March 25th, 2006 | 3 Comments

sans TiTle

Yesterday, i just saw PRIDE n PREJUDICE.Nice Pic, good 4 dos who have a penchant 4 soft, english, romantic classics.

Ppl who chat using Yahoo Messenger, yahoo has recently upgraded its audibles and they r awesome, they can make any dull chat come alive. Check it out—its good !

I was thinking that i start a series, namely: Yin and Yang, which would have love as its theme. it would display my opinions ’bout Love, infatuations, attractions, after-effects, side-effects, importance, consequences n almost everything related to it. It would b not 1 of dos lovey-dovey series but will have more of subjectivity, practical outlook n much insight.so, all d readers, kindly guide me as 2 whether i should start it or not. PLEASE RESPOND !!!

i think dat our blog should increase its authors so dat v have a wider participation. i’ve talked 2 some of my sensible peers n dey have agreed. so, Mr. Admin, kindly tell me if derz ne criteria.

I recently saw D WEDDING CRASHERS, in which OWEN WILSON has a fantastic dialogue,

” We often hear dat we use only 5% of our brains, but little do we realise dat we use only 5% of our hearts also.”

So true, isn’t it !

March 25th, 2006 | 3 Comments

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